Make a goal to spend more time with people who are supportive and uplifting. Eliminate reminders of your negativity. Avoid spending time around things that can make you feel bad about yourself again. Though you may not be able to get rid of every negative source in your life, you can certainly think about how to cut your losses.
This will go a long way in building your self-confidence up. Identify your talents. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, and then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Express yourself , whether it's through art, music , writing, or dance. Find something you enjoy and cultivate a talent to go with your interest.
When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self-confidence. Take pride in yourself. Not only should you feel proud of your talents or your skills, but you should also think about the things that make your personality great.
It can be your sense of humor, your sense of compassion, your listening skills, or your ability to cope under stress. You may not think that there's anything about your personality worth admiring, but if you dig deep, you'll realize that you have plenty of admirable qualities. Focus on them by writing them down. Accept compliments gracefully. Many people with low self-esteem have difficulty taking compliments; they assume that the person complimenting them is either mistaken or lying.
If you find yourself responding to a compliment by rolling your eyes, saying, "Yeah, right," or shrugging it off, you should reframe your response to compliments.
Take it to heart and respond positively. Let the person giving the compliment know that you really appreciate it, and work to reach the point where you are able to truly accept the compliment at heart.
You can add the compliment to your list of positive attributes about yourself and use it to bolster your self-confidence. Look in the mirror and smile.
Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register or intensify certain emotions. National Institutes of Health Go to source So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
This will also help you feel happier about your appearance, and to accept the way you look. Part 2. Be comfortable with fear. You may think that people who are self-confident are never fearful. This simply is not true. Fear means you are at your growing edge. When you are able to confront what you fear, you will gain self-confidence and you will feel the boost immediately!
Imagine a baby as she learns to walk. So much possibility awaits her. But she is fearful that she will fall as she takes those first steps. When she conquers her fear, and begins walking, a huge smile covers her face! This is you, pushing past your fears too. Be patient with yourself. Sometimes you go backwards to go forwards. Gaining self-confidence does not happen overnight. If possible, see what lessons are there.
Not meeting your goal the first time around is an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Self-confidence needs to be nurtured and grown, a bit at a time.
What can you learn from this? Reflect upon how you went about it. Was there something different you might have done? Strive for balance.
Like everything else in life, building self-confidence is about maintaining balance. Too little self-confidence can keep you from achieving your goals and feeling good about yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. If you want to build your self-confidence, then you have to focus on improving your own life for the better, not on making your life more like your best friend's, your older brother's, or like those of the celebrities you see on television.
If you want to build up your confidence, then you need to know that there will always be someone who is prettier, smarter, and richer than you, just like there will always be someone who is less attractive, less intelligent, and less wealthy than you are; all of this is irrelevant, and what is relevant is caring about advancing your own goals and dreams.
You may lack confidence because you're convinced that everyone else has it better than you do. However, at the end of the day, it only matters if you're happy by your own standards.
If you have no idea what those are, then it's time to do some soul searching before you move forward. Additionally, studies have found that spending time on social media often encourages people to compare themselves with others.
Because people tend to post only their triumphs and not their realities of daily life, it can seem as though the lives of others are more wonderful than your own. Everyone has ups and downs in their lives. Recognize your insecurities.
What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you uncomfortable or ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne , to regrets , friends at school, or a past traumatic or negative experience.
Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down. You can then tear or burn these written pieces to start feeling positive on those points. This exercise isn't meant to bring you down. It's meant to make you aware of the problems you're dealing with, and empower you to move past them.
Bounce back from your mistakes. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. And that often these insecure feelings come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, the mood we're in, or how we are feeling.
In other words, they are not constant. If you've made a mistake, the best thing you can do is to recognize it, apologize, and make a game plan for avoiding it in the future. Don't let one wrong turn make you think you don't have what it takes to achieve your dreams. Maybe you weren't a great boyfriend and your last relationship ended as a result. This doesn't mean you're not capable of turning your act around and finding love in the future.
Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals. If you feel like everything has to be done perfectly, then you'll never be truly happy with yourself or your circumstances. If you're in the mindset of a perfectionist, then you'll only be getting in the way of a more confident version of yourself.
Now think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself. Know your principles and live them. What are the principles upon which your life is built? For myself, I try to live the Golden Rule and fail often.
This is my key principle, and I try to live my life in accordance with it. Speak slowly. Such a simple thing, but it can have a big difference in how others perceive you. A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence.
It will make you feel more confident. Stand tall. I have horrible posture, so it will sound hypocritical for me to give this advice, but I know it works because I try it often. When I remind myself to stand tall and straight, I feel better about myself. I imagine that a rope is pulling the top of my head toward the sky, and the rest of my body straightens accordingly.
As an aside, people who stand tall and confident are more attractive. Increase competence. How do you feel more competent? By becoming more competent. And how do you do that? By studying and practicing. Just do small bits at a time. Just begin to write more. Journal, blog, write short stories, do some freelance writing. Set aside 30 minutes a day to write for example , and the practice will increase your competence.
Set a small goal and achieve it. People often make the mistake of shooting for the moon, and then when they fail, they get discouraged. Instead, shoot for something much more achievable. Set a goal you know you can achieve, and then achieve it. Now set another small goal and achieve that. Change a small habit. Not a big one, like quitting smoking. Just a small one, like writing things down.
Or waking up 10 minutes earlier. Or drinking a glass of water when you wake up. Something small that you know you can do.
Do it for a month. Focus on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, change your focus now. Focusing on solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and your career. Another trite one. But it works. I feel instantly better when I smile, and it helps me to be kinder to others as well. A little tiny thing that can have a chain reaction.
Not a bad investment of your time and energy. Be grateful. But I put it here because while being grateful for what you have in life, for what others have given you, is a very humbling activity … it can also be a very positive and rewarding activity that will improve your self-image.
Read more. Gosh, I seem to put this one on almost every list. We also tend to enjoy doing the things we're good at, which can help boost your mood. If you find certain people tend to bring you down, try to spend less time with them, or tell them how you feel about their words or actions. Being kind to yourself means being gentle to yourself at times when you feel like being self-critical. Think what you'd say to a friend in a similar situation.
We often give far better advice to others than we do to ourselves. Being assertive is about respecting other people's opinions and needs, and expecting the same from them.
It's not about pretending you're someone you're not. It's picking up hints and tips from people you admire and letting the real you come out. People with low self-esteem often feel they have to say yes to other people, even when they do not really want to. For the most part, saying no does not upset relationships.
It can be helpful to keep saying no, but in different ways, until they get the message. We all feel nervous or afraid to do things at times. But people with healthy self-esteem do not let these feelings stop them trying new things or taking on challenges. Set yourself a goal, such as joining an exercise class or going to a social occasion. Achieving your goals will help to increase your self-esteem.
Psychological therapies like counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy CBT can help. You could also find a private therapist. Make sure they're registered with a professional body. In this audio guide, a doctor helps you to replace negative thoughts with more positive thinking. Visit healthtalk. You can find mental health apps and tools in the NHS apps library. Animated video explaining self-referral to psychological therapies services for stress, anxiety or depression.
Page last reviewed: 6 February Next review due: 6 February Raising low self-esteem. We all have times when we lack confidence and do not feel good about ourselves.
What is self-esteem?
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